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2020.07.22 05:04 JohnSMosbyTherapist says SO is BPD - I think she's right - wall of text follows
First, I will concede I am a pushover, pleaser, conflict avoider, and according to my mother, too naive about people. Let's get that out there. It's a huge problem and has screwed me. My therapist thinks my so is BPD and it's all making sense. Bear with me, I have to write this as fast as possible so she doesn't catch me, so it's stream of consciousness and unorganized: Mystery illness for me 10 years ago leaves me somewhat depressed; it's not properly addressed. At the same time my longtime marriage is starting to strain for stupid reasons that we probably could have worked out. I strayed. She was sexy, confident, interested in everything I had to say, was all about going with my kinks (like ALL IN, did everything to reel me in). We went to museums, she loved them because I did. We went to the city nearby for drinks or dinners. She'd always be super seductive and sexual. She got my name tatooed on her inner thigh soon after we met. Talked about going to strip clubs with me, etc. We talked about online dating - she had been on millionairematch.com and some other similar site (RED FING FLAG) and met some nice guys but she fell for me (I'm younger and was in great shape at the time). Somehow she never wanted to see a movie because theaters are gross. I have have not set foot in a theater or seen a new release in four years. I LOVED movies. Of her previous serious relationships (three) - two were allegedly abusive. Apparently one was very short; she never discusses this guy. Red flag one, I ignored all this. Her credit was too low to rent; I Photoshopped a credit report to help her get a place (red flag two, I ignored). As my separation and divorce went on I turned to her more and more - she seemed so confident. And of course she had divorce experience (red flag three: her kids were taken away for a period of months during the first divorce, notwithstanding the story that husband was a druggy, cheater, physically abusive, etc. How the F does that happen?). I slowly started to concede decision making over to her to where it seemed to be a joint divorce. Every decision was "joint". She went to all attorney meetings. Reviewed all emails. (TBH part of this was necessary as my health was failing due to my illness and stress.) She was always late to her jobs, always angry that her reasonable excuses were not acceptable. (Red flag four). She's a slob - the house is a mess - but god forbid I wear shoes on a bedroom carpet or set my water bottle on the bed (IT'S BEEN ON THE GROUND). Her father effectively abandoned her as a child (red flag) and would promise to come to events and not show up; she lived with her VERY strict mother. She never graduated from college (red flag). She wanted to get her tubal ligation reversed so we could have a baby. Thank GOD I said no. Eventually the stress got to impacting my health in a very negative way - to her credit she took me multiple docs, tried to fix me (almost all alternative medicine, mind you), spent hours researching what to give me, supplements, essential oils (red flag five, sort of in my specific health case). She was fired from her last job because (allegedly) she re-organized something in the store and came into conflict with a manager. (red flag six). By this point I was supporting her a bit and she had child support x3 plus help from her mother, enough to get by. The divorce was AWFUL. My ex really screwed things up. But my SO made it bad too, delaying discovery responses so we'd end up missing deadlines helpful to US, all because of her "privacy" concerns, etc. Put me at a big disadvantage. I went thru FOUR lawyers because there was always a problem with one of them (they were all highly rated; one did drop the ball but it was not fatal overall). I had been in a long marriage and we had accumulated a lot of household items and furniture. SO could not stand the idea of me taking any of it so I was left with my family heirlooms, a few things I selected like art, and nothing else. NOTHING. Not a chair, not a pot, not a pan. We rented, then bought, a house. It was a lot of money. I was concerned I could not afford it - no, she said, the judge will take this into account when calculating support (surprise: not really). The realtor, her friend, also representing the seller (red flag #?) assured us it would be a good flip. I put $60k into the place. We needed newer cars. I was looking at a moderately priced used Volvo. She talked me into a fast German car that depreciated like a stone. I offered to replace her beloved truck with the last year of that model - we could have gotten the nicest one within 1000 miles with the budget. Nope, she wanted the newer body. So we bought it. And after 1000 miles she hated it, but we still have it. Red flag #? She smothered my kids with attention and stuff, tried to be a good stepmom, etc. But the kids had issues. Mom was alienating/adultifying them and they probably were moved in too fast AND they did not have the same amount of time with me as they were used to (we were very close). SO did not like me spending lots of time with the kids, she felt we were inappropriately too close. Short version is the kids left a few months apart and never came back. (It had been 50/50). I had the idea after a while of dropping their clothes off at their mom's so at least they would not be wasted/outgrown. SO had the idea to drop basically everything off at their mom's because they were obviously not coming back. So I went along with it and just dropped everything off. The kids were shocked and brokenhearted - obviously they had figured at some point they'd return on some limited basis. SO just began to reject them, like a switch went off. During this point I'm getting worse - the stress was killing me, work was killing me, I miss my kids, etc. Kids start needing psych help. I show up to some appointments but this continues and SO talks me into not going to others because the kids will simply blame me and cause me stress. So I miss out on therapy sessions. Kids send me angry emails, they are emotionally distraught of course and its taking a toll on me. I am persuaded to respond that they are out of line, they need to respect me, they disrespected me by leaving etc. Not really how I ever communicated with them (again, we were SUPER close). Communication almost stops for two years. Only a couple visits with one kid, none with the other. SO blocks their numbers on my phone. She starts screening the email because of the emotional toll it takes on me. Eventually she takes sole control of all email accounts - the one I used to communicate with kids, and the one I used to communicate with ex about kids/support/etc. Even has login to my personal account. Lies and only tells me about a few emails from kids to "protect" me. [NB: At Easter I apologized to my kids and now we talk a lot; I discovered that many of the emails SO hid were very, very sweet and loving, very wistful of course...] Snoops on my phone - I know because she mentioned a FB message I sent to my ex BIL. I rarely use FB messenger and she said I "left it open". Anecdotes along the way. SO flips out when kids stop by and drop off a family heirloom my ex found. She considers it a gross invasion of privacy etc. I am bullied into sending them an email telling them to ask before dropping anything off. A few more more times my kids stop by and put things in the mailbox (a note, which I never got and found out about later from one of my kids), a birthday card and flowers, etc. SO is ENRAGED by this. Makes me send more emails to the kids telling them not to do that. Loses her mind - it's crossing boundaries, they could see our mail, etc.). I put the flowers in a vase and hid them out of sight in my office and the vase tipped over and stained some furniture. She was happy about it. Neighbors put a yellow warning sign in the street because their kids played there. SO was infuriated (yes, it was annoying). One day she swerved AT IT, the father of the house was outside and saw it and started running at at the car. SO stops and gets out. Of course I have to get out and back her up. Lots of yelling, we drive off. Along the way I am self-employed. We (she) is spending so much I didn't pay my quarterly taxes. She swears that I can just work out a payment plan because that's what he friend's husband did (except he makes 3-5 times what I make and has access to a giant line of credit through his business, which I did not know at the time, and his debt was not as large). She's buying stuff nonstop. Every day packages at the door. I foolishly let her handle the money because that's how it was in my previous relationship. Side note: she never fully unpacked from moving into the house. We had boxes lying around and shit on tables all the time. Any time I tried to move or offer to help I got an almost angry NO. Literally the only time the house looked OK was when it was staged for sale. And coming from a childhood hope that was impossibly neat, and an ex wife that was OCD neat, this drove me crazy. Chaos. We had a $2500 custom made dining room table and then she'd surround it with used chairs she got from Craigslist. She did not like the kitchen and so ordered take out CONSTANTLY. When we first met she made me meals all the time. Two years of big money and my income drops by 1/3 - we knew it was coming. And we knew it would drop again by 1/3 the following year. Spending stays the same. I start to worry and talk about selling the house. So we start looking - at houses that cost MORE than what we then owned. "We'll talk them down" she says. We spend weeks looking at giant expensive houses. I prequal but get my taxes done for the application itself - holy shit I owe uncle same at the state well into SIX FIGURES of taxes and penalties. This is on top the HUGE credit card debt she's run up - blew the limit on one card and blamed the company for not cutting her off. She is convinced that I can still get a mortgage. I KNOW we can't. I check my credit. Not quite there due to a strategic default attempt on my previous marital home. So I'm convinced we cannot afford or qualify for any of these houses but we keep looking and slowly she starts looking at cheaper houses. This goes on for MONTHS. We fight about money. She calls me stupid, I don't understand math, or budgets, etc. This keeps up in a cycle. I'm losing sleep. Freaking out about taxes. One day we have the fight again, and yells and says I am stupid. I leave. I go to the county mental health program (Oh yeah, I make six figures but have no health insurance) and end up committed for three days because I vaguely mentioned self harm. I barely talk myself free (incur another $10k in debt) and she constantly reminds me how I lost my shit. etc., its my fault. House does not sell because she keeps animals in the basement for breeding. No details, just a lot of animals. The realtor, a friend, keeps saying it's a problem as politely as possible. Buyers mention the smell. She thinks he's a bad salesmen and we go off market for the winter. By this time my depression is 100% and I undergo ketamine treatment (her mother paid). She berates me for not "getting better" and doing what I am supposed to be doing - meditation, manifesting, etc. I start to realize the problem is not me - it's that I fucking miss my kids who live 1 mile way but I never see; she's gotten me into GIGANTIC debt; she's controlling my communications, telling me what to say (it's always a "suggestion, right?) in my email to my ex; forbidding me from having any coparenting attempts; talking me out of meeting my kids new stepfather (god forbid I meet the man who lives with them full time, right?); I live in a mess; she's rude to people, she flies off the handle, she drives recklessly and we fight about it until I give up ("if you change the way I drive it's dangerous and THEN I'll have an accident and it will be your fault"). Side note: sex is drying up; the kink is almost all gone. Somehow all the toys/lingerie disappeared. Despite me being the dom (once) somehow sex ends up being when and how she wants it. Another side note: she spends $150 month in essential oils. Finally we sell the house after breaking with the old realtor who understandably was sick of us. Friendship is of course broken. SO goes and wrecks his sign in the yard. New realtor gets the place sold as COVID starts - between what I had in the house and realtor fees I lose $100k in two years. It sold for about $50k less than expected. Who knew with the fucking menagerie in the basement. We (she) has so much shit it fills our little house, a POD, and a big storage unit. Nothing nice either. Old kids's toys, blankets, boxes of outdated schoolbooks from her kids, reams of blankets, worthless toys, DOG HAIR SHE SAVES for a sweater someday, etc. As we pack I find some pics of my family (ex wife and kids; some photos go way back to when ex and I were dating in college and high school - yes, it was that long). I wanted to keep them not for me but for the kids; I felt it was their heritage. SO convinced/cajoled me into throwing anything with the ex out. Or tearing the photo in half. Meanwhile I'm paring down all these things I used to love in my old house that made it homey to me, like some big antique radios I had fixed up. An adult lifetime accumulation of tools, jacks, etc. from when I could afford hobby cars/boats. A very special, unique collection of things (I'm not going to be specific - it's a niche hobby) I had collected over years from all over the world - sold because I knew we needed the money and we could not move them or fit the collection into the new house. A couple guns. She has not let go of a single thing of any value. We now rent a tiny house in the country. It's a MESS. Now let me rewind a bit: she has had all these business ideas. When I met her she had spent $15k on some bullshit realtor course she never finished. Before that she was going to do tiling projects and I think she did two (but we kept all the supplies, of course, hundreds of pounds worth to move). She was going to make sell jewelry on Etsy; she bought a bunch of stuff and made probably $50. She had all these animals to breed and she never did anything except spend money on them. She has given one away. She did, however, order custom cages, tons of supplies, specialty food, etc. As far as I know she has never held down a job for more than a few years. Right when I met her she was let go from a salon because someone else (of course) was unfair. Then she worked some retail. She started to fear I would lose my job so we needed more income: it was going to be flowers. So she spends months watching Youtube videos about flowers and buying books about flowers. Keep in mind this woman knows as much about farming or country living as she does about nuclear physics.Then switches to mushrooms for a couple months. More videos and books. Then tiny houses (more videos). I am guilted into participating in all of this and she can tell I think it's BS. Rising tension. Now it's homesteading. We'll live off the grid. I'm like, hey, these people, they have no debt or they have a solid side income, how will this work? Never get an answer. She buys a bunch of fowl that are now in the living room while I work from home in the next room. Instead of a simple house for the fowl she's building this giant complex thing in the back yard that has taken weeks and is still not done. So now we have almost 2 dozen full grown freaking birds contained in the house making noise all the time. Even though we are renting for one year she's paid who knows what to have the back yard built into a garden. She has an electric fence for it, not yet installed. She's growing one single vegetable type even though she keeps panicking about food shortages. She rarely finishes projects. As soon as we moved here she bought a pile of antique windows to make a greenhouse. They are stacked against the house. We have lugged a giant pallet from place to place because someday she's going to do something with it. She has never thought about another job. Her calling is to show people they can grow food and be independent, live freely, etc. She gets me a cognitive behavioral therapist because I am obviously in a bad place. The tension is that she wants CBT to fix the marriage, while I am realizing CBT is about fixing/empowering me. This makes me start to push back. She accuses therapist of breaking up the marriage. SO starts to send multiple texts and emails flipping out on therapist. She shares, without permission, emails from my divorce. I refuse to sign a HIPAA release because of emails I have sent to therapist, and she said it was a bad idea anyway because it would give SO more control over me. SO INSISTS she is a client because "she" is paying; therapist keeps trying to explain /I/ am the patient and she won't discuss anything about me unless it's in a session with me. Today she threatened to call the local newspapers and TV over a fight about whose session today belonged to (it was supposed to be a joint one; therapist does not consider SO to be a client so would not start without me). My therapist is ready to drop me because of the drama. So our 45 minute, $75 session becomes 20 minutes of SO and therapist arguing, SO being rude and childish until I told her to cut it out and let the doctor speak. (I got REAMED out for that later.) On top of all this, I discovered SO has bought multiple (like 6-8) books about witchcraft in the past month. Not like a hobby or earthy thing, but ACTUAL SPELLS AND WITCHCRAFT. And magic crystals. She is incredibly superstitious about things like the moon, the zodiac, etc. She also claims to be a Christian. I am a (very imperfect) "born again" Christian and this witch stuff is just way too much. Twice in the last few weeks she has threatened to kick me out. Once she said she'd "make my life hell". The kicker: her IG is logged into my PC. She forgot. I read the messages. She paid a "witch doctor" from "South Africa" almost $200 via PayPal to cast a love spell on me. The "witch doctor" sent photos and video of a photo of us surrounded by candles and shit, but of course needed more money to send a magic bracelet and soap. During the conversation back and forth SO says she should have never married a white American (she's mixed); she's not sure she should keep me; but she needs my money to make herself independent and protect her kids (NB: she has not worked in three years). As to IG, she also followed virtually every single account I followed, including personal/internet friends she doesn't know. She has spent much of the last two days holed up in the bedroom instead of working on the building to get the damn fowl out of the house. She is suspicious because I finally broke down and told my mother all this (been on the phone a lot) and mother is convinced I need out. SO keeps reminding me how much she did for me, health wise and during the divorce. From what I have read about BPD she probably wants to be in the "discard" stage: she's changed her Twitter profile photo to a selfie (after four years of a photo of both of us and changed another hobby IG account profile photo to one of her old Tinder selfies. She stopped wearing a bracelet (of a pair) we have been wearing almost since we met. She changed her FB password about a week ago. She can't just throw me out, though, she needs the income and my name is on the lease. Oddly tonight she asked for private time in the bedroom; usually I come up so she can give me some medication (yes, she controls the meds). She has been careful with her phone and I NEVER see her iPad unless it's in her hands. She used to leave both laying around. I'm terrified. I am scared about my health. I owe six figures in taxes. I owe six figures in consumer debt. If I declare bankruptcy I could lose my job and career (I don't want to get into details; suffice it to say if I did keep my job I would be humiliated and demoted). I have child support to pay. I am upside down in both "newer" cars. She has no job. I'm sure she won't get one. I am very afraid of her, a bit afraid for her, and her kids. I have not lived alone in 25 years. My credit is DESTROYED (she stopped paying some things when COVID started and that tanked it for good). She controls all the money and has our small "savings" from the house sale. Credit cards are ALL MAXED OUT (my utilization is literally like 125%). I have a bank account but no debit card (started deposits to her account to avoid tax levies; obviously that can't continue). I have no access to money. I have no friends (lost them in the divorce or they live hundreds of miles away). I have no family to speak of except my parents; they are elderly and hundreds of miles away; my father is dying and knows only part of this because the stress would be too much. PS One other set of behaviors: she complains about the electric bill, for example, but wants the water heater on high all the; leaves fans running all day; and then berates me for rinsing a brush in the sink because it still has usable soap on it and I'm wasting it. So, if you made it this far, God bless you. She's BPD, right? I HAVE to get out, right? I am so torn by guilt because I promised before God I'd stay with her (church wedding, not a "legal" wedding) but this all seems so wrong. And I think she's getting worse and taking me down. I spend free moments on Craigslist looking for cheap basements that accept pets and do't mention credit. I'm afraid to just fly to my parents because I'm afraid she'll destroy my things.
2019.08.01 16:07 DatingConsultantMillionaire Dating Tips
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2018.12.16 08:05 meaningoflife000We have been married for 15 years my husband is 62. he is looking for 20 years old girls for sex with money
My husband is 62 years old. I am 12 years younger than him. We have been married for 15 years. For all these 15 years. He never went to find a job or make money for the family. I work every hard and am very good at investment. For these 15 years, I built a lot of assets and make our family financially secure so that he does not need to go to work. I had two successful companies and all the people work for me really like me. I even bought an house for one of the family who work for me. I am very kind person. I treat people all equal and kind. For last 3 years, my husband hardly gets involved with anything I do. He does not care about me either. All he does is using his computer browse internet and go to all different kind of dating websites to looking for younger girls (the girls age around 20 years old, some of them only 18 years old) like in seekingarrangement.com, whatsyourprice, millionairematch, etc. He lies about his age, on his profile, he said he is 48 years old even he is actually 62 years old. He does not do house work either (does not wash dishes, only cook for himself, only do grocery for himself, and does not do laundry, does not clean house, absolutely nothing) I did not know that until recently he wanted to divorce and filed the divorce. He wanted half of what we have even through I am the one built all the assets and make money for our family. I just found out for all these years, he went out paying these young girls to have sex and be their SD. I am very pretty and attractive asian lady and I look at least 15 years younger than my age. I am fit (5'4" 105 lb). I am smart and work hard. Sometimes people thought I was not married or I am my daughter's sister. I always have sex with my husband when ever he has demand (almost everyday). because he told me sex is very important for him. I want this marriage to work so sometime even I don't feel like to have sex with him, but I will do it for him. I don't understand why he does not love me and always go out looking for the girls younger than his daughter!!! I just found out his is doing that and also he filed the divorce couple months ago. I always love my family and put all my effort to this family. I was very confident and I know I am attractive, smart, working hard and rich. But now I feel really sad and I don't know all these 15 years effort to this family worth nothing. He never loved me. In my whole life, always the guys like me and love me and i am the one walked away from them. Now I feel very sad and lost. I need help to stand up again. Thanks EC
2018.05.16 14:59 johndough2018I (M48) Found Out Wife (F40) Used To Be An escort - Cheated Before And After Marriage
I’ve been married just over three years. I’m almost 48, and my wife is almost 40. A year ago last September, I found out that my wife had sex with a guy that she works with. At first, I believed it was just an emotional affair. However, I keep discovering new levels of infidelity (sex with the OM, escorting before we were married, etc.), just as I’m getting acclimated to the previous transgressions. In September of last year, I found an email and some texts on her phone that alerted me that something was up. I confronted her a few weeks later. She said that they had talked a lot about their problems - his bad marriage, her stress, etc. She said that he tried to hold her hand in the office once and that he tried to kiss her on one of their walks, but that was it. She said they never had sex. I believed her, but told her that they had to stop all communications outside of work. No emails, phone calls, or texts unless they were work related. I told her that if she continued I would leave her. I wouldn't want to, but I would consider that choosing him over me and I would never be able to trust her again. She agreed. Over the next few weeks, I saw that they were still communicating - texts, occasional phone calls, and emails. Most of the content was non-sexual. It was mostly them talking about their day, but she was definitely hiding by it from me. Once, for example, they talked on skype during lunch. She cut it short when I logged back on to my computer, because she knew that I could see that she was on a call with someone and would ask questions. Later that day, she called him while I was driving home from work. She blew him kisses before she hung up (as well as on one other call). I asked her several times point blank if they had been communicating. She looked me straight in the eye and denied everything without even flinching. I busted confronted her again, based on phone records of calls and texts that were clearly outside of work hours. She tried to tell me that he just texted her to see if she was ok. I shut her up when I told her there were 16 texts, plus phone calls of an hour. She said that she thought I only meant they could not flirting or talk about anything personal, but other (friend) stuff was ok. I told her that was bullshit, otherwise she wouldn't have tried to hide it from me. We talked. She cried and agreed to cut off all nonessential communication, so I agreed to stay. She did tell the OM that they had to stop. She was afraid I would divorce her. He agreed. However, shortly thereafter, they were still some communication, just not as much as before. I was reluctant to tell her that I knew, because I didn't have a smoking gun, and I would have to reveal how I knew. At that point, I was afraid she would cover her tracks more carefully. A few more months went by as I was struggling with whether or not it was right to leave someone for "just" an emotional affair. Eventually, I realized I could recover some old texts from a phone that she no longer used. I found some incriminating texts. I ran them by one of my friends for a sanity check. He said it definitely sounded like they had sex. Immediately, I took the rest of the day off, drove home, took out 1/2 of our savings, and packed/moved ALL of my stuff out of the house. She was shocked, and she admitted that they had sex when I went back to The States for a few weeks. This happened just before our two year anniversary, and four months before my first discovery. She kept me on the phone late that night, and she convinced me to talk to her in person the next day. I was afraid that if I went, she would talk me into staying. That's exactly what happened. I also told her about some emails I found from before we were married. In two or three emails, she negotiated terms for a massage a BJ - $120. She said that at that time, she was thinking ahead to her move to Canada. (We moved to Canada to help take care of her sick parents.) She didn't know if I was going to marry her, and she was worried about money. She started thinking about women who do that sort of thing and wondering what it would be like. In the end, she said, she couldn't do it and she didn't go through with any of them. I didn't believe her, but I didn't have a smoking gun. Things have been pretty quiet since then (four months). She’s cut off all non-essential contact with the OM. However, it’s not the current OM that I fear, it’s the potential of another OM in the future. Four weeks ago, I found a treasure trove of emails from two older email accounts. There were a LOT of emails that made me want to vomit. I discovered that she was answering ads on Craigslist and Backpage.com for sensual massages, which included HJ, BJ, and even intercourse (at least 3 times). She was careful with most guys (asked for “no fluid exchange”), but I know she had unprotected sex with at least one guy, because she was afraid he got her pregnant. She did this over a 5-month span, which ended about 7 weeks before we got married. The 4 months before she started escorting, she was on dating sites like MillionaireMatch and WealthyMen.com. We went through some rough patches, but a lot of this happened outside of those patches. She even met a few of them for dinner. Before we met, she dated a guy for 7 years. Five years into it, she cheated on him. She had sex with one guy at least twice. He moved away, but they kept in touch for a few years. They tried to meet up, but could never work out their schedules. When she was in her teens, she dated a guy who others thought wasn't good enough for her. Another guy convinced her that the other guy wasn't good enough for her, so she left him for the other guy. A bit later, a new guy convinced her to leave that guy for him. My wife seems to have an unhealthy need for attention and validation. Before we met, she carried out a very explicit email conversation with a guy she never met in real life. He really stroked her ego with sexually explicit comments. She sent him nudes and explicit videos. This ended around the time we met. This was before she started escorting, so I think this made the transition easier. It also showed me that she was way more sexual than I had realized. She has two long-term friends. I don’t think she’s had sex with them, but I could be wrong. She sent both guys nudes, including explicit vagina pics. She sent both of them a video of her masturbating. One was just two months before our wedding. She sent one of the guys a video of her playing with her tits six weeks after our wedding. Another complication is that my wife wants to have a baby REAL bad! I’ve been able to dodge the bullet for almost a year, but time is running out. She wants to start trying again in the next few weeks. I’m generally unhappy with our marriage, but I feel bad about throwing in the towel. I feel guilty about her never being able to have a child if I leave. (She's almost 40.) As I said, my wife has been “good” for the past 4-6 months or so. I know she has broken things off completely with the OM. She's also cried and apologized several times for what she did. However, the problem isn’t the OM, himself, but rather her own propensity for cheating and her high need for validation and attention. I believe that my wife really wants to have a normal relationship, and she’s terrified of being abandoned. My wife said that, just like Mary Magdalene, everyone deserves redemption and another chance. Do you think someone like her can change? Can she reform and be faithful for the rest of our marriage? Could it be that she was riddled with insecurities and uncertainties about us being together, but now she’s realized how much she really loves me, or am I fooling myself? Is she just a ticking time bomb waiting to go off? What are the odds that she will cheat on me again? I really do love my wife, but I’ve been dealing with this every day for over a year now, and I’m mentally and emotionally drained. TLDR: Wife used to be an escort now wants a baby. Have no idea if she can change.
2018.01.15 08:41 CadenWhiteWhere To Find A Cougar - My Easy Method!
A cougar is a mature women who wants to date a younger man. A cougar myself, I will give you what I think is the best advice on where to find a cougar. Cougar dating appeals to lots of men. Some just like older women; others know that finding a date with a mature women is easy. This last, you should know. It can be very easily. Cougars are not interested in expensive cars or bank accounts or high-profile careers. They have one main interest: younger men. Being a young man makes this all very easy for you! Let me show you where “not” to find cougars. They tend not to make their desire for a young man public knowledge. Most are married, of course, and most would feel ashamed to admit their taste in men. When they go looking for men, they do so under the radar, utilizing sites that allow them to search anonymously. The greatest proportion of these ladies will use a conventional dating site; one they have probably seen in movies or heard about on the radio. These community sites have several benefits for the cougar. They can join anonymously and, since the membership populations are so high (in the millions), the ladies can search hundreds and thousands of local men and all of their photos and videos. You should get a membership to one of these communities. Most allow new members to join free and use most facilities. Once you have an account, I want you to do two things: the first will show you where to find a cougar; the second will help you attract her. Put in a search for local women but filter your search for women over 40 or 50 (your preference). And there you go: without spending any money, you have a list of cougars in your town or city. On your profile, I’d like you to write down that you want to date an older women. Now, all I want you to do is begin sending friend requests to these women, as many as you like. They will see the request and go to look at your profile. They will be encouraged by what you have written and, more often than not, accept your request. Soon, you will have a growing list of cougars in your area. Now that you know where to find a cougar, I suggest you begin your search here: Make A Free Profile. This is the largest dating community I know (millions of members), you can join free, and it has a huge population of cougars seeking dates and more with younger men.
2017.08.28 16:45 MillionairedateappIs there anyone that knows about the Chinese Saint Valentine’s Day celebrated Today?
Does anyone hear about this Eastern Valentine's Day before? Honestly, I am very interested about the Chinese culture recently and searched about the Chinese Saint Valentine’s Day, also called Eastern Valentine’s Day celebrated on August 28, 2017, just today. From my searching, this eastern traditional festival are celebrated in memory of the true love between a Chinese Traditional Goddess, the seventh daughter of the God living up high in the sky, and a normal guys who live in the ground. They just fall in love with each other, get married and have two lovely children while the Goddess is going to the normal world without the permission of the God. And then, finally the God finds the fact, separate them compulsorily and take the Goddess to the sky. However, since they love each other so deeply, the God finally allows them to meet every July 7 in every Chinese Lunar Calendar. And, this year it is celebrated on August 28, just Today. Do you have any plan for this special Valentine’s Day with your boy/girl friend? If you have no any boy/girl friend yet, you can go free download millionaire match online dating app to date an attractive guy/lady for celebrating this special day. Happy Chinese Valentine’s Day!
2017.08.09 09:39 lindasunderwoodNow you can easy find your personal millionaire on MillionaireMatch
MillionaireMatch is the first and largest millionaire dating site in the world. It has been featured on CNN, ABC and CBS and was voted "Best of the Web" by Forbes.com. "MillionaireMatch highlights the "millionaires" in its listings" according to the Wall Street Journal. As a result of its outstanding reputation and service, MillionaireMatch now has about 3 million quality members.
2017.08.03 08:39 Irene_SwiftHi guys, do you know the date app about millionairematch?
I have noticed this date app for a while. And I wanna have a try, but their are so many online dating apps which makes me a little confused. I'm a little busy on my business and don't have much time. Could you please give some advice about this dating appdate a rich elite
2017.07.10 07:12 removalbot07-10 05:12 - 'Meet and date a millionaire on the world's largest niche millionaire dating app. Both the rich and attractive are welcome here. Join in.' (millionairematch.com) by /u/VictoriaHardy removed from /r/europe within 80-90min
2017.05.12 11:11 JamesZanderzzzWhat's app? 5 new dating Apps!
What’s App? 5 New Dating Apps ? Whether you’re searching for a casual hookup or your one true love, chances are good that you’re turning to your phone for a little assistance. But if you only peruse the same old dating apps, you may be missing out on a sea of sexy singles who could be your perfect match. So to guide you on your search, we’re highlighting five new apps to help add a little variety to your dating life. 1.MillionaireMatch(www.datingrichman.com) Once you have achieved a certain level of success, it can be harder than ever to find someone interested in you for who you are and not what you have. This can make meeting your special soul mate who is interested in a lasting relationship a difficult challenge. MillionaireMatch is an elite club, the largest and best millionaire dating site. Do you want to meet someone just as successful as you? Do you want to date a millionaire? Then MillionaireMatch was designed with you in mind. 2.GENDR(www.gendr.co) As the world’s first app created for the gender variant and queer community, GENDR allows users to connect with people who identify across the spectrum of gender identity and human sexuality. Aside from linking you to like-minded individuals, the app celebrates authentic living by providing transition tips, makeup tutorials and gender-neutral apparel. Membership dues are $5/month or $30/year. 3.Gymder This app out of Germany insists it’s not for dating, despite the fact that it works exactly the same was as Grindr and is described as the “Instagram/Tinder for Athletes.” Instead, Gymder wants people to be able to find workout partners on demand, allowing them to follow muscular gym bunnies they find inspiring and send messages to guys they’d like to partner up with—strictly for workout purposes, of course. 4.Lesly Considered the “Grindr for lesbians,” Lesly wants to empower women by making one-night stands easier for them to find and enjoy. The app is free to download, but provides subscription options starting at $9.99/month to unlock features including finding more matches, being able to initiate conversations and premium customer service. 5.Other apps like tinder(www.apps-like-tinder.com) It is a completely community for men and women looking for friendship, fun, love and marriage. The site provides a safe way of communicating and a safe place to meet high-quality singles. It offer matchmaking at a higher level and a chance to finally meet a date that suits you in all aspects.
2017.04.19 06:51 yorkleebest way to dating , The top 5 best hookup APP in 2017
best way to dating , The top 5 best hookup APP in 2017， Don't waste your time doing useless things， no.5 【Down】 you can find it at App Store&Google Play， Down finds your Facebook friends and friends of Facebook friends and gives you the option of letting them know ，whether you want to bang or if you’re in it for something more. no.4 【Pure】 you can find it at App Store&Google Play， Pros: Privacy—and assurance that matches are looking for the same thing. no.3 【Tingle】 you can find it at App Store&Google Play， If you’re out at a club, bar, or any other location, Tingle lets you know about any interested partners in the area. You have to “wink” at users before they can view your profile, and communication ensues via text， no.2 【tinder】 www.gotinder.com； Among the first and most widely used dating apps on the market, Tinder is quite adamant about its goal of fostering genuine human connections versus one-night stands. But, I mean, c’mon. Everyone knows Tinder is very, very casual in its approach to dating, even Vanity Fair. No.1 【millionairematch】 www.datingrichguy.com； If you are rich, you can easily pick one,there are a lot of material girls on millionairematch , what you need do is just register an account. This is the fastest, most efficient way. If you don't have the money?dont worry,the app can't determine who you are,you only need to disguise yourself, your purpose is just for one night stand，
2016.11.21 16:52 FrogInAPot2Found out wife used to do sex for $$$ on Craigslist and Backpage - cheated before and after marriage
I’ve been married just over three years – no kids. A year ago last September, I found out that my wife had sex with a guy that she works with. At first, I believed it was just an emotional affair. However, I keep discovering new levels of infidelity (sex with the OM, escorting before we were married, etc.), just as I’m getting acclimated to the previous transgressions. Last year, I found an email and some texts on her phone that alerted me that something was up. I confronted her a few weeks later. She said that they had talked a lot about their problems - his bad marriage, her stress, etc. She said that he tried to hold her hand in the office once and that he tried to kiss her on one of their walks, but that was it. She said they never had sex. I believed her, but told her that they had to stop all communications outside of work. No emails, phone calls, or texts unless they were work related. I told her that if she continued I would leave her. I wouldn't want to, but I would consider that choosing him over me and I would never be able to trust her again. She agreed. Over the next few weeks, I saw that they were still communicating - texts, occasional phone calls, and emails. Most of the content was non-sexual. It was mostly them talking about their day, work, etc, but she did blow him kisses twice. Regardless of what they were talking about, she was definitely hiding by it from me. I asked her several times point blank if they had been communicating. She looked me straight in the eye and denied everything without even flinching. I confronted her again, based on phone records of calls and texts that were clearly outside of work hours. She tried to tell me that he just texted her to see if she was ok. I shut her up when I told her there were 16 texts, plus phone calls of an hour. She said that she thought I only meant they could not flirting or talk about anything personal, but other (friend) stuff was ok. I told her that was bullshit, otherwise she wouldn't have tried to hide it from me. We talked. She cried and agreed to cut off all nonessential communication, so I agreed to stay. She did tell the OM that they had to stop. She was afraid I would divorce her. He agreed. However, shortly thereafter, they was still some communication, just not as much as before. I was reluctant to tell her that I knew, because I didn't have a smoking gun, and I would have to reveal how I knew. At that point, I was afraid she would cover her tracks more carefully and I would be in the dark. A few more months went by as I was struggling with whether or not it was right to leave someone for "just" an emotional affair. Eventually, I realized I could recover some old texts from a phone that she no longer used, and I found proof that they had had sex. Immediately, I took the rest of the day off, drove home, took out 1/2 of our savings, and packed/moved ALL of my stuff out of the house. She was shocked, and she admitted that they had sex when I went out of town for a few weeks. This happened just before our two year anniversary, and four months before my first discovery. She kept me on the phone late that night, and she convinced me to talk to her in person the next day. I was afraid that if I went, she would talk me into staying. That's exactly what happened. I also told her about some emails I found from before we were married. She answered ads on Craigslist and Backpage.com for sugar dad/babe, as well as for massages. In one email, she negotiated terms for a massage and BJ - $120. She said that at that time, she was thinking ahead to her move to Canada. (She was moving to help take care of her sick parents.) She didn't know if I was going to marry her, and she was worried about money. She started thinking about women who do that sort of thing and wondering what it would be like. In the end, she said, she couldn't do it and she didn't go through with any of them. I didn't believe her, but I didn't have a smoking gun. Things have been pretty quiet since then (four months). She’s cut off all non-essential contact with the OM. However, it’s not the current OM that I fear, it’s the potential of another OM in the future. Four weeks ago, I found a treasure trove of emails from two older email accounts. There were a LOT of emails that made me want to vomit. I discovered that she was answering ads on Craigslist and Backpage.com for sensual massages, which included HJ, BJ, and even intercourse (at least 3 times). She was careful with most guys (asked for “no fluid exchange”), but I know she had unprotected sex with at least one guy, because she was afraid he got her pregnant. She did this over a 5-month span, which ended about 7 weeks before we got married. The 4 months before she started escorting, she was on dating sites like MillionaireMatch and WealthyMen.com. We went through some rough patches, but a lot of this happened outside of those patches. She even met a few of them for dinner. Before we met, she dated a guy for 7 years. Five years into it, she cheated on him. She had sex with one guy at least twice. He moved away, but they kept in touch for a few years. They tried to meet up, but could never work out their schedules. When she was in her teens, she dated a guy who others thought wasn't good enough for her. Another guy convinced her that the other guy wasn't good enough for her, so she left him for the other guy. A bit later, a new guy convinced her to leave that guy for him. My wife seems to have an unhealthy need for attention and validation. Before we met, she carried out a very explicit email conversation with a guy she never met in real life. He really stroked her ego with sexually explicit comments. She sent him nudes and explicit videos. This ended around the time we met. This was before she started escorting, so I think this made the transition easier. It also showed me that she was way more sexual than I had realized. She has two long-term friends. I don’t think she’s had sex with them, but I could be wrong. She sent both guys nudes, including explicit vagina pics. She sent both of them a video of her masturbating. One was just two months before our wedding. She sent one of the guys a video of her playing with her tits six weeks after our wedding. Another complication is that my wife wants to have a baby REAL bad! I’ve been able to dodge the bullet for almost a year, but time is running out. She wants to start trying again in the next few weeks. I’m generally unhappy with our marriage, but I feel bad about throwing in the towel. I feel guilty about her never being able to have a child if I leave. (She's almost 40.) As I said, my wife has been “good” for the past 4-6 months or so. I know she has broken things off completely with the OM, and she has cried and apologized multiple times for cheating on me. However, the problem isn’t the OM, himself, but rather her own propensity for cheating and her high need for validation and attention. I believe that my wife really wants to have a normal relationship, and she’s terrified of being abandoned. My wife said that everyone deserves redemption and another chance. Do you think someone like her can change? Can she reform and be faithful for the rest of our marriage? Could it be that she was riddled with insecurities and uncertainties about us being together, but now she’s realized how much she really loves me, or am I fooling myself? Is she just a ticking time bomb waiting to go off? What are the odds that she will cheat on me again? I really do love my wife. Aside from the cheating, she has a lot of good qualities – smart, gorgeous (former model), great with money, nurturing, etc. However, I’ve been dealing with the infidelity every day for over a year now, and I’m mentally and emotionally drained. My head tells me I should leave, but I don’t want to hurt her. I’m also afraid that “the grass isn’t greener on the other side” and I’ll regret leaving. I’m afraid of being miserable either way. What should I do?
2016.04.06 08:11 Alquimista1084I think my Russian couchsurfer is actually an escort?
So a Russian couchsurfer contacted me a couple weeks ago about wanting to see Los Angeles. I thought she would only stay a couple days as she requested. She's been with me a week so far and I gave her access to my computer while I'm at work. I noticed in the computer history she had been visiting millionairematch and elite singles dating sites. I even came across an online conversation she had about an invitation to an elite party in Beverly Hills where rich men had to pay to meet single women. She told me she was a model and wanted to look for work here. Has anyone ever had an experience like this? I tried to tell her she had to find another place to stay as initially I only wanted to show her around the city. I never meant to give her free room and boarding while she looks for a rich man to marry. It's frustrating because she is upset that I won't let her stay longer. Prior to hosting her, I did check her references and they were good. I also found her "modeling" pics she downloaded on my computer and she was dressed scantily in many of them. Update I texted her and said she needed to leave by Saturday (4/9/16) and now she is livid with me. She even threatened to call the cops if any trouble ensues. So far I've been coming home from work every day and she's gone, but her things are still here. I'm hoping she doesn't smash my stuff when she leaves :/ Update: She finally left and didn't vandalize anything. She even texted to tell me she left and gave back the key. I wish we would have ended on better terms but I'm glad she is finally gone lol
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